The Impala Improbability
by Darkly Dreaming
Summary: Sheldon is seduced by a car and Penny is seduced by Sheldon on said car. One shot of lemon, coming right up.


After the Dislocated Shoulder Debacle and ending up in a jail cell because of it, Sheldon had decided to do a couple things.

1. He purchased Penny a set of adhesive ducks for her bathtub.

2. He decided to learn how to properly operate a motor vehicle within the parameters of the law and obtain his license.

He didn't like taking the bus and cabs were so unsanitary it gave him a headache just thinking about it, and he didn't want to be helpless or a hindrance if his friends needed help.

Sheldon wanted to surprise them with his mastery of the machine, and so decided to practice alone in private. He rented a car and devised an appropriate obstacle course in an abandoned parking lot on the other side of the city. After a week Sheldon felt he had reached his goal. He returned the rental car and rode the bus home to divert suspicion; good thing he had remembered his bus pants.

It was Friday and he was thinking about which vintage game to play that night when he saw it. All thoughts of vintage game night had vanished. It was the single most beautiful object he had ever seen. He wasn't even close to his stop but got off the bus anyway. He walked the two blocks back to the used car lot the bus passed and stared at the stunning machine that had caught his eye. The price sticker said $22,900. A salesman in a tacky suit came up to him (though Sheldon could hardly comment, wearing plaid pants and a Browncoats shirt) and said, "You have a good eye, sir. H-"

"$18,000," Sheldon interrupted him with a whisper, not taking his eyes off the sleek vehicle. The salesman, knowing he was close to quite possibly the quickest sale of his career, almost agreed. The only thing that stopped him was the possibility of getting more out of it. "$20,500."

Sheldon seemed to consider this, then shook his head minutely and replied, "$20,000. No more."

The salesman in the tacky suit extended his hand and exclaimed "You've got yourself a deal, sir." When his hand went unshook he withdrew it and said, "Right this way, just follow me and we'll get you all set up."

Two hours and $20,000 dollars later Sheldon drove his new-to-him car into the shop at CalTech. Fortunately it was as far from the physics department as the campus got. Unfortunately it was very near to the engineering department, so he had to 'keep a low profile' as he understood the slang to be. It wouldn't do to be caught by Howard.

Two weeks had passed and Sheldon had the entire interior redone. Safety features had been installed or updated, the upholstery had been mended, and the carpet had been replaced entirely. Another two days and the engine was tuned, the tires replaced, and his baby was ready.

It was his first ever "heat of the moment" purchase and he couldn't bring himself to regret it. He hadn't planned on buying his own car but he couldn't help but feel a little pride in himself for having one. Specifically _this_ one. There was just something magnetic about this particular motor vehicle. It had a draw on it that Sheldon only felt when in the presence of his many equation-covered white boards. When he slid the key into the ignition it just felt right. When he turned the key she purred into life. He had done his research well and knew that many people named their cars, but for a reason he hadn't known at the time they were always female names. Now he knew. The purring of the engine could never be a male sound. He called her Kitten because of that sensual pur.

A phone call to Dr. Gabelhauser got him a parking space with his name (after much annoyance on Sheldon's part). Just one more stop and he could go home.

~*DD*~*DD*~*DD*~

Leonard noticed that Sheldon had been gone a lot these last few weeks. He was always home in time for whatever event he had scheduled for that day, but not before then. He walked across the hall to Penny's apartment to ask if maybe she knew what Sheldon was up to since neither of the guys had any idea.

"Nope, sorry Leonard," Penny said. "Maybe he picked up a new hobby that he can't do at home?"

"But then why wouldn't he tell any of us about it?" Leonard wondered, confused. "No, that can't be it. I'll just ask him when he gets home, I guess. You coming over for Halo night?"

Penny laughed. "Wouldn't miss kicking Howard's and Sheldon's butts for the world." She paused, then turned back to Leonard. "Want me to get the pizza tonight? I'll make sure to get you cheeseless."

Leonard opened the door to his own apartment and said, "Sure. Thanks Penny."

"No problem, Leonard," she smiled. They weren't together anymore but they were still really good friends.

Penny grabbed her purse and keys and walked down the stairs to her car, cursing the broken elevator. When she got to the parking garage next to their apartment complex she saw the most beautiful black '67 Chevy Impala she'd ever seen pull into a parking spot. The man that got out shocked her even more than the sight of the car.

It was Sheldon.

In aviator sunglasses.

_Sheldon Cooper_ had just got out of the driver's seat of the sexiest car she'd ever laid eyes on. Her jaw was practically on the ground and her eyes were wide. His hair was windswept, obviously from having the window rolled down. She could see a bit of a 5 o' clock shadow on his jaw as well, which made sense as it was almost 8pm. It suited him.

_The aviators don't hurt either,_ Penny thought. She always thought he was kinda cute, and he could be downright adorable if he wanted to be, but this...this was almost _sexy_.

It was obvious he hadn't seen her yet when he spoke. "Welcome home, Kitten." He ran the fingers of one hand over the hood and used the other hand to hang his aviators on his shirt collar. As he turned he retracted them quickly and jumped in surprise when he finally saw her standing there.

"Penny!" Sheldon exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing, Sheldon," Penny retorted. "Since when do you drive a '67 Chevy Impala? For that matter, since when do you drive at all?" She walked over to touch the car, but Sheldon caught her wrist before she could. "Don't touch," he warned. "I just washed her." His startlingly blue eyes bore into her bright green ones and she lost her train of thought. All of a sudden she wanted to kiss him. _But this is Sheldon. He doesn't kiss people. He doesn't even - oh lord he's touching my wrist of his own accord. Wow. His fingers are long. I know something else he could stroke other than the car. WOAH! Wait a second! What? Since when do we fantasize about Sheldon Cooper's fingers?_ Another part of her brain decided to answer with, _Since Sheldon Cooper decided to look hot and drive a hot car._

She realized she was still staring and, more importantly, that he was still staring, his hand still wrapped around her wrist. Her eyes dropped to his lips for a moment and almost squeaked when his tongue darted out to moisten them. She drew a shaky breath and brought her eyes back to his and found they had drifted a little closer.

Sheldon had unconsciously leaned forward when Penny had looked at his mouth. When their eyes locked again he noticed her pupils were dilated and her breath was a little shallower. He noted that his was as well, and that his fingers were burning where he was touching her wrist. He had a sudden urge to kiss her, but his mysophobia restrained him. Barely. Instead he broke their eye contact and raked his eyes over her body. She was wearing a baby blue camisole and the same shorts as when she moved in. They had the same effect on him now as they did then, only stronger now. All of a sudden his lips were on fire and his heart skipped a beat. He stiffened immediately, eyes wide. _Penny is kissing me. Bacteria from her mouth is now on it's way into mine! I could contract any number of diseases from this! Why am I sti-_

Sheldon's mind went completely blank when Penny's lips left his - but not because she stopped. Penny had just changed the focus of her ministrations. Her lips had ghosted over his mandible, down his neck, and now her tongue was teasing the hollow of his throat. His eyelids fluttered and he couldn't think. She was so close he could feel the heat radiating off her body. Her breath tickled his throat in a most pleasant way. The arm that didn't have hold of Penny's wrist acted without his permission and pulled her closer. He bent his head and pressed a featherlight kiss to the junction of her neck and shoulder. This made her gasp, which made him...uncomfortable in a certain area.

Penny, practically out of her mind since Sheldon kissed her shoulder, ran her hands up his double-shirt-covered chest and laced her fingers behind his neck, pulling him down to her lips. He froze for a second when her tongue poked out to probe gently at his bottom lip, and he gasped when she pressed her hips into his. She took the opportunity to run her tongue across the roof of his mouth before he was pressing her to the hood of the sexy Impala. He finally let go of her wrist in favor of her hips, which he promptly dug his fingers into. Penny moved up the hood until her back was resting against the windshield, slightly out of breath from that kiss. She saw a conflicted look in Sheldon's eyes and said, "Honey, we can wash her again later. Get up here." And she grabbed hold of his shirts and drug him up beside her. He nodded and quickly calculated that she was almost through the second week of her birth control pack and concluded that they'd be safe. His hands were unzipping her shorts a breath later while hers were doing the same to his.

They locked eyes again and both nodded their assent. Sheldon rested his forehead against hers and gently eased into her, marvelling at how wet she was. He felt something flutter in his abdomin when he realized he did that to her. He aroused her. He smirked and quickly sheathed himself inside her to the hilt. The combination of the smirk and thrust made Penny moan. It was the single sexiest moment of her life. She rotated her hips to stretch more. He was bigger than anticipated, much to her delight. He filled her deliciously.

Penny ran her fingers through Sheldon's hair and down his chest as he slowly thrust in and out of her, thoroughly enjoying the sensation. She groaned, as each time they connected brought them closer to the edge. She slipped her hands under his shirts and scraped her nails down his chest. He bucked harder and bit her clavicle, licking it to take the sting away. She took one of his hands in her own and brought it between them, showing him how to stroke her heat in just the right way to create a burning flame. Seconds later, she was practically vibrating.

"Sheldon," she panted. "I'm s-so-o closssse. Faster." He covered her mouth with his and complied, close to his own climax.

"Penny," he whispered. A prayer, almost. He could feel her quivering violently beneath him. "Penny. Penny." His brow drew down in concentration and he rubbed her center faster, thrusting harder, and grunting into her neck.

Her nails dug into his shoulders and she threw her head back in ecstasy. "Oh God, Sheldon, yesssssss!" Her orgasm echoed in the empty parking garage. The feeling of her muscles quaking around him pushed him over and in three more thrusts he joined her in bliss. "Oh, Penny!" his voice was strangled and muffled slightly against her skin. He dropped to her left and sprawled with his back against the windshield, mimicing her position. They each pulled their pants back up as they waited for heart rates to slow to normal again.

Penny turned her head to look at Sheldon. "To answer your question," she said breathlessly. "I was going to get pizza for Halo night. Wanna drive?" She smirked.

"That would be acceptable," he breathed in reply. "I will text Leonard that we ran into each other and decided to go together."

"And maybe after Halo we could take a shower?" Penny enquired, raising an eyebrow.

Sheldon looked thoughtful, and just a little bit lustful. "I could use a shower, yes."


End file.
